If you’re a primary caregiver for an older loved one, you know all too well how easy it is to get frustrated. Sometimes the smallest things can set us off into a negative emotions spiral. We all wish life would flow the way we want it to, and we’re upset when it doesn’t. 

Yes, it would be nice if there were no family disagreements about mom remaining at home because that’s where she wants to stay, and it would be great if everyone pitched in more and helped with the responsibilities of keeping her there. Yes, it would be wonderful. But, more often than not, our wants, desires and expectations of what we think should happen, don’t happen, leaving us feeling frustrated.

Frustration itself may not be such a problem, but the result of these negative feelings and how they impact both you and the one you are caring for, is the concern. We are quick to blame when we’re feeling off balance and frustrated. And blame is a very negative, dark seed that can grow into a tree of discontent and ultimately damage the relationships with those we care about.

Rarely do we look to ourselves as the culprit. Our emotions are the results of our expectations. When we feel happy it’s because our expectations of a certain meeting, event or day were met or exceeded. When we feel sad, angry or any of those other negative emotions, it is because our expectations were not met and we feel inner turmoil, and find ourselves questioning how to resolve it. 

So how can we find the healthy balance between creating reasonable expectations and not expecting too much?

No one has ever said being a caregiver is easy. It may be one of the most emotionally demanding types of relationships you’re ever going to be in. The key is to be patient with yourself and know your limitations. If you need a break, don’t be afraid to ask for one. Examine your expectations and be realistic about what to expect from those around you. 

 The expression, ‘put yourself in their shoes’ goes a long way when trying to create a balanced life full of positive emotional relationships and healthy expectations to base them on.

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